During a recent coaching call, a client wanted to focus on dealing with difficult people. 

After understanding the nature of the conflict, I asked a simple question…

Do you trust your colleague?

The answer…”no, not really.”

Trust is one of the most admired characteristics of exemplary leaders. Ironically, it is not something we really talk about with our colleagues. 

Our own filters on the characteristic of trust lead us to make numerous assumptions about it.

Basically, when it comes to trust, people fall into two camps. Some folks are super trusting and give their trust away like candy. They just assume everyone is good until proven otherwise. On the other hand, there are those who are a bit more cautious and need to see some evidence of trustworthiness before they give their trust.

When I explained these two approaches to my client, a lightbulb went on.

She’s a super-truster and her colleague, a prove-it truster. 

Without comprehending the different aspects constituting trust, we may discover ourselves at odds with a colleague.

In addition to the trust framework, we also talked about one of my favorite Stephen Coveyisms: the emotional bank account. 

Covey says that relationships are like a bank account. We can add money to the account by being kind, respectful, honest, and supportive. This is like making a deposit. But when we say mean or hurtful things, or lie, or act disrespectfully, it's like making a withdrawal. This takes away from the positive balance in the relationship.. 

Covey says that the state of your Emotional Bank Account has a big impact on how you communicate and interact with others. When your account is healthy (filled with trust and positive interactions), communication tends to be smooth, respectful, and open. But when your account is overdrawn (filled with mistrust and negative interactions), communication becomes strained, defensive, and ineffective.

Overall, Covey's idea of the Emotional Bank Account highlights the importance of nurturing relationships through positive interactions and building trust over time. It's a helpful way to understand how human relationships work and how to build healthy, fulfilling connections with others.

To have a courageous conversation about trust, consider the following tips:

1. Schedule a private discussion. Choose a time to chat with your colleague outside of the office, where there are no distractions.

2. Clarify your purpose. Explain the reason for your conversation, such as discussing feelings of distrust.

3. Discuss your trust framework. Explain the difference between being a super-truster and a prove-it truster. Allow your colleague to share their perspective on trust as well.

4. Explore ways to build trust. Brainstorm specific actions that each of you can take to make intentional deposits and withdrawals in the emotional bank account.

By following these steps, you can reframe the concept of trust in the workplace and create a more trusting and productive environment.