It’s Complicated...Lessons Learned Through Grief

This is a tough week for me as it marks the Anniversary of losing both of my parents.  My mom, left us on September 20, 2018, due to a catastrophic fall resulting in a traumatic brain injury. I was the one who found her at the bottom of a flight of stairs. Her loss remains the most traumatic chapter of my life. My dad died on September 19, 2019 as a result of a 15 year battle with Parkinson’s disease.

The passage of five years feels surreal.

My relationship with grief has continuously evolved. I remain curious, embracing the experience of loss, and diligently working through the profound impact it has had on my life. Grief has become an active companion, guiding me in redefining my own identity. It is not a mere transaction, nor does it adhere to the hurried pace of a game show buzzer. Grief encompasses so much more than simply remembering my parents on their birthdays or special holidays.

Instead of compartmentalizing my emotions surrounding loss, I've chosen to stay curious and fully engaged in my journey through grief. Rather than simply trying to "get over it" (whatever that means),I continue to embrace grief as a powerful teacher, constantly challenging me to grow and learn.

The truth is, grief permeates every aspect of my life - every feeling, every reaction, every action. It's a complex and intricate experience.

By reframing grief as an opportunity for growth and learning, I'm slowly finding a sense of peace within myself. I recognize that I am a constant work in progress, navigating this intricate relationship with grief.

My husband and I have just returned from a trip of a lifetime on a Rhine Riverboat cruise.l  Travel has always been intertwined with my personal story, connecting me with both my mother and my daughter and our extended family.

Here’s why…

During my daughter's middle school years, my mom served as an Assistant Vice-Principal at a high school in NJ, while I was searching for my own path.

When my mom invited me to join her as a chaperone on a school-sponsored trip to Europe, my response was an enthusiastic "#hellyes." We arranged for Alli's trip to be covered so that we could revel in the joy of multigenerational travel together. We repeated this tradition for four consecutive years, and these journeys sparked a profound wanderlust within me.

However, since losing my mom, travel has taken on a different hue. The ongoing COVID pandemic has redefined the very nature of travel for all of us.

One particular day, as our ship glided down the river, we soaked in the sights of the beautiful Rhine. It was in that moment of tranquility, while sitting alone on the deck, that a rush of emotions overwhelmed me, leading to tears streaming down my face. In that same instance, I felt a powerful surge of creativity surging through me. Inspired, I penned a heartfelt poem titled "Hide and Seek", capturing the essence of my newfound connection with my late mother.

Throughout my journey of grief, I have discovered a profound and transformative way to embrace life with my mother in a different light. Instead of being consumed by sorrow, I now find solace in recognizing that her spirit resides within me, manifesting in countless places and spaces.

Transforming my perspective on loss has required significant effort. Thanks to the guidance of my mindset coach, Alexandra Taketa, and the support of my spiritual advisor, Shauna Angel Blue, I've been able to find my footing. Investing in myself has been the most valuable decision of my life, one that continues to yield remarkable returns.

Embracing this newly defined relationship necessitates recognizing the impact of loss in my life. Moreover, it grants me the profound opportunity to draw upon the invaluable lessons learned from experiencing traumatic grief.Continuously redefining this intricate bond keeps me in a perpetual state of curiosity. It's worth noting that grief doesn't diminish with time; however, I've conscientiously chosen to live in a state of gratitude for all that I've gleaned in the past five years.

It's complex, yet beautifully transformative.

Stay Courageous,

Deb

P.S. Do you know that I offer 1:1 coaching to those navigating life’s most difficult transitions? If you are interested in this kind of support, please schedule a 30-minute Discovery Call through the following link :letsmeet.io/debstellato/30-minute-discovery-call