Four Techniques to Try When Having a Challenging Conversation
I had planned on writing a blog about “courageous conversations”. It has been on my social media calendar for weeks.
I have to be honest. I’m struggling. Why? Because I can’t remember a time in my life when there has been such devisiveness.
If you follow me and The Think Good Company, you know that I have never brought politics into my business…and I’m not going to start now. But we are living in a time when it seems that there is always a difficult discussion happening.
What I am going to do is to give you a few tips on how to handle what is “unsaid” in many conversations.
Some of these tips are from professionals. Some of them are from my own experience. And, I’m not going to sugar-coat it. I’m working on this myself.
“While no single conversation is guaranteed to change the trajectory of one career, an organization, a relationship or a life, any single conversation can.”
-Susan Scott, Fierce Conversations.
I love Susan Scott’s model…simple and clear.
Here’s how it works…think about putting your thoughts into a 60-second opening statement. At the core of this process is actually sitting down and writing an answer to each of these questions.
Name the issue.
Select a specific example that illustrates the behavior or situation you want to change.
Describe any emotions around this issue.
Clarify why this is important
Identify your contributions to the problem
State your wishes about resolving the problem
Consider how to invite my partner to respond
“One of the biggest challenges of tough discussions, of course, is that we may carry a significant amount of anxiety about them before we even start. Our worry and fear can make us talk more than listen, fail to use thoughtful wording, and exhibit hostile or disengaged body language. If there's a conversation that you are dreading, it pays to think it through in a systematic way.”-Psychology Today
I’ve worked with many of my clients on preparing for difficult conversations. This model is powerful.
2. Approach every conversation that you have every minute of every day as the most important conversation you can be having. Be fully present.
It’s easy for us as women to be multitasking. I get it. AND, removing distractions, finding a place that exudes positive energy and fully focusing on who you are in the room with (yes, this includes virtual rooms) is essential in courageous conversations.
I love the idea that we never know when we will be in a transformational conversation with someone in our lives.
3. Let silence do its thing. This is tough. We are so uncomfortable with silent moments in conversations. What we know is that quietly counting to 10 while someone has the opportunity to respond can be a game-changer in a safe conversation.
4. If you are experiencing catabolic energy…allow yourself time to upspiral your energy. Remember, we can only control our response to circumstances. Give yourself permission to lean into what your feeling. It’s ok to have a gut reaction to something that hits you at your core.
I’m not suggesting that you ignore or indefinitely avoid difficult discussions. I’ve just learned over the years that a reactive response can lead to catastrophic outcomes. Give yourself the opportunity to take a “time out”. Take a breath. Reframe. Refresh. Move your energy. Move forward. Move towards a positive resolution.
I hope that these suggestions resonate with you. I’ld love to know what’s working for you in these challenging times.
Watch this weeks’ video below and of course, you can listen to the podcast HERE.
Click image below to watch…
